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Stain AngelOn the 23rd of February 2016, my mother passed away. Exactly one month ago. Just in case the opportunity would have arisen at her funeral for a little speech (I held a speech at my grandmother’s funeral), I sat down and jotted down a few words in honour of my mother. Today, I want to recopy them and finally share them with the world. 

I want to share some memories of Nicola, who accompanied me for the first 27 years 6 months and 3 days of my life. I’ll start from the beginning…

Dear Nicola,

I remember how you and Moritz were having a mud fight, that I was not very fond of… this must be one of my earliest memories

I remember sitting inside of the basket that you had on the back of your bike.

To stay with biking, a passion you seemed to have, I remember how you ran after me while you taught me how to ride my own bike (I was a little short of 3 years old).

I remember your marriage, sorry, I was a bit of a pest.

I remember how you would meet me on the way home from school, when I was playing instead of walking home. Sorry for all those unnecessary worries.

I remember you reading many books to me, Michel aus LönnebergerPippi LangstrumpfDie Brüder Löwenherz, vielleicht bist du ja jetzt auch in einer schönen Welt wie die Brüder. Ja, es gab viel Astrid Lindgren.

I remember playing frisbee on the Newtownsquare SAP campus and eating Oreos. Spülmaschinenmonster?

I remember how you drove me here and there, while we were living in the US, and how very much you disliked driving.

I remember visiting Vermont, searching fro Karl Zuckmeyer’s House, eating Pancakes with the most delicious Maple Sirup, learning how to ski.

I remember how you helped me with the penguin

I remember how you helped my understand Pythagoras, I was proud to have a mom who could master maths so easily, who has that?

I remember holidays on the beach in Brittany.

I remember those vitalising massages you gave me, while I was studying for my bac.

Do you remember how you read books to me when I was 18? The story of the two old ladies…

I remember you visiting me in Newcastle, I was a bit sick, tacking antibiotics. My flatmates took my cooking for “mom’s great cooking”…

I remember you being an amazing godmother for A.

I remember how happy you were with little one. How much she loves you. You two made the most out of the 2 years and 2 weeks and 2 days you had.

I remember how she squealed, when she saw you after a bit of time.

How FaceTime became a babysitter, when you were being treated in Heidelberg.

I remember how we came to Austria last Summer for a beautiful with you. What energy you had!

I remember your last Birthday, Thanksgiving, your last Christmas! How important it was for you that this Christmas was Perfect! It was.

I remember how last May you found out that you had cancer, I am glad that I told you to see the doctor, I am sad that it was too late.

I remember how happy you were that you would receive the immune therapy.

I recall how devastating it was when the treatments were stopped in January.

I remember talking with you. You told me that I have talent for writing, as you sometimes read my blog.

I remember how you started to fade, your questions started to be strange.

I remember telling you that I love you.

How you replied with a smile.

I remember how you said goodbye for the last time, I knew it was your last goodbye.

I remember how I was hoping for a miracle. I believed in this until you drew your last breath. I remember how you died in our arms.

Nicola, I remember you!

I will always remember you!

Nicola, I love you and I will always do so!

My mother was an artist, something she only fully embraced in the few months leading up to her death. Two weeks before she passed away she recorded a video, with a message for everyone. On her website, you will be greeted by this video, nicolawerner.paris. You can turn on/off the english subtitles by selecting the CC button.

© Solveig Werner 2016. All rights reserved.