He Knows When You are Sleeping

By Trent P. McDondald

You awake up there?

Of course! How could I sleep tonight?

What time is it?

11:52. Eight minutes until midnight.

So Santa will be here in eight minutes.

What? You think Santa enters every house at exactly midnight?  Ha!

Why not?

There are hundreds of houses in this town alone.  And thousands in our state.  Millions in our time zone.  And he enters all of them at the exact same second?  How does he do that?  Go down millions of chimneys at once?  Split himself into millions of Santas?

How does he do any of the things he does?  Magic.  Why, what do you think?

Too complicated and too much empty time.  It’s much easier than that.  He doesn’t have to be in a million places at once.  Here is the thing.  He starts when it first gets dark at the first place it gets dark on the 24th and works on the young kids houses, you know, the ones who go to bed early, then moves with the times zones, going back as the night goes on to hit the houses he missed.

Why, zipping back and forth like that he must go a gajillion miles…

Exactly. He goes as fast as light between houses and towns and country to country.  That’s why nobody sees him.  He’s too fast for eye or camera.  Even with that, it takes him all night.  And not just all night in one place, but he follows night, time zone to time zone, all of the way around the world, so his night lasts more than a day.  And think of this.  When is Christmas?

Duh, it’s December 25^th.

Exactly. It is one of the longest nights of the year.  So he has that longest night of the year and he follows it all of the way around the globe, staying in night the entire time.  He ends up with almost two days to hit all of those billions of houses. That’s how he does it.  Why did you think they put Christmas now, the longest night, anyway?

I don’t know.  Isn’t it a religious holiday or something?  God’s birthday?  

That’s God’s son, nitwit.  And, man, some people will believe anything.  

It makes more sense than a fat man and a bunch deer traveling at the speed of light.

No it doesn’t!  I don’t see it….

That’s because you have mothballs for brains.

Chowderhead!

Idiot!

Ha! I’m a regular Einstein compared to you. 

Toilet breath!

Now you’re getting personal, you maggot p…

Shhhh, I hear something!

No you don’t.  You just want to distract me because I am winning with my airtight argument and precise logic!

No!  Really!  Shhhh….

I heard it! A thump.

I think I hear a moan.  Oh, and another thump!  It’s him!

Shhhhh. If he knows we’re awake he won’t leave anything.

You shush!

Quiet… Listen… What was that?

Santa used the bathroom?

It’s a long night for him.  Remember what I said about it being almost 48 hours long?  And all of that milk and all of those cookies…

Shhhh…

I think he’s gone.

What time is it?

Uhm, 12:01.

So he washere at midnight.  See?!?  I told you….

OK. It was just a coincidence.  Anyway, he’s been here.  We need to go to sleep now so morning will come sooner.

How can you sleep at a time like this?

***

Hey honey, you OK?  What time is it?

It’s about midnight.  It must have been something I ate.  This is the third time I’ve been up.  And I bumped my shin pretty bad.

Poor guy.

Yeah, I didn’t want to turn any lights on and wake up the boys, but I kept hitting things in the dark and stubbing my toes.  I’m sure I have bruises.

Well, come back to bed.  Hopefully they’ll let us sleep in until 6.

Unlike last year…

Yeah. Do you think they’re asleep?

Of course. Why would they stay up tonight, of all nights?

Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.  It’s after midnight, so Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas and good night.

‘Night.

Trent P. McDonald is a self-published writer and a blogger. His past contributions in the Advent Calendar have made it into his books. His newest book, Embers was published earlier this month.

Visit Trent on his blog Trent’s World. 

This is Trent’s second contribution in this year’s calendar, the first is here: In Santa’s Shadow

Here are his past contributions to the Advent Calendar: The Christmas Storm, The Longest Day, Christmas, 24x7x365, The Truck Stop