Nano Poblano 2019, here I am!

I still exist. And I want to be back in the world of blogging.

The thing is, that in the past blogging went from fun to a chore. Posting regualarly, replying to comments, returning visits, visiting blogs I want to visit… After my mother’s death and even more so after the birth of my second child, keeping up with blogging seemed downright impossible.

I cannot follow the rules that I thought I was meant to follow (those that made me anxious about blogging). I have to follow my own rules. Blogging is for me. If you enjoy what I write, then that is great. I will visit your blog if I have the time and energy to do so. I will engage with your comments if they are worth engaging with. I will write and post if I can.

So, now enough with the meaculpa. And off to a new chapter in blogging. I have so many stories to write. So many things to share.

And now I seem to have the time. At least I have the time today, I am writing this before November. November will be different…

For some time now, I have been pondering whether or not I should join NanoPoblano this year. After all, I participated in this month of blogging fun hosted by the lovely Ra in 2015. Blogging back then was a way for me to deal with the emotional stress, that I was going through.

My blog was launched when my daughter was slightly over a year old. Two months later, we found out that my mother had an advanced stage of cancer caused by HPV. I worked only a little, to spend time with my child and my mother, the idea of separation from either one of them felt wrong at the time.

I worked, but not much. In 3 months I worked as much as I do in half a month now. But I still needed out, some contact with the world. Blogging was amazing. I did not share my mother’s condition until after her funeral. But it was a valve permitting me to canalise the situation I was in. Thus now, with two kids and quite a lot of work blogging has fallen to the side. Finding time to write is the first challenge. Then the energy. The last months have been stressful and tiring, more on that this month. Now, when we finally come to a calm spot another storm brews on the horizon.

Have an amazing November, I hopet that you will stop by here and there, to check out what I have to share.

And if you are intrigued, here is the list of the other peppers.

Truth – T – A to Z Challenge 2019

Earlier this year I mentioned on my blog that I want to change professionally. From time to time I have had posts in a self-analysis style. In a way sharing these thoughts, makes me feel less lost.

So the truth is that there are quite a few truths.

I wrote a guest post for Gulara Vincent more than 3 years ago. At the time my mother was dying. Still, when I wrote the post I touched upon the truth about myself. The truth that I am always hiding from myself.

Whenever I flick through my notebooks, this truth comes back at me.

I reflect all the time, trying to figure out which path to follow.

There are a few things that I want to have in my professional life. I want to teach (explain, transfer knowledge, inspire people, make you jump over your shadow), I want to write (anything really, no wonder I wanted to be a journalist, and loved writing papers), want to research things.

The truth is, I am hiding from my own capabilities.

I am reading a book (this is homework) in order to find my professional path. Well, guess what, there are no answers! All the answers the book is giving me bring me back to where I was. The only thing that is happening is that I am confronting the truth.

So what is this truth?

The truth is I need to fight my imposter syndrome, stop worrying about admin stuff to publish my book. For now, I think I will publish a collection of short stories.

The truth is, I am a writer.

The truth is, I need to find a job that lets me make money, has good hours, makes me think, research, encourage people, transmit knowledge, and write.